heavy heavy heart.

i hold on to my beer, i do a line, i take a rip, i try not to cry. i loved you, no lies, no bullshit. to be used by you isn't rare i hear, you're a legend in the southside. i knew what i was getting myself into right when i finally sat down beside you, right when you called me your boo, your girl, your favorite. i knew when i saw the name april tattooed on your neck, i knew even then that you were broken. i knew what was happening, but i still held onto you so tight, i still believed that it was different with you and me, that you wouldn't throw me away, that you never said the things you said to me to other girls. i crave you even now, even though i should hate you, even though you made me throw things at my walls and cry into my bed for hours. even though you fucked me up. i've never felt so lost, i've never let somebody break me down before. i dont know what to do with myself.

would you hug a murderer?

charcoal on my smoke, green tea & honey in a big cold can. paint brushes and art pencils all over the floor, kurt cobain right beside me.

immense nausia.

i know theres more than this loft and your guitar, i know it.

home sweet home.

last summer was a long time ago, i'm different now. you're just, nevermind.

Elizabeth: [wiping her tears] How do you say goodbye to someone you can't imagine living without? I didn't say goodbye.
[pause]
Elizabeth: I didn't say anything. I just walked away.

oh sonny.

i wrote this when you were still around.

youre responsible for me now,you said so, you said it. and now im constantly afraid thatyoull leave me, that youll leave me in the middle of the night when the moons high. still in the middle of the night i rise sporadically and often and hold on toyou, gliding my hands over the bed to make sure you havent left me. i sit at the cabin table anxiouslydrinking chocolate milk out of a coffee cup jumping at random sounds, convinced youll leave and not come back. youre responsible for me now, you said so, you said it.

won't do no good to cry.